SoFi Blog

It’s the beginning of a perfect modern romance: You met on an app, and after engaging in some above-average banter, you’ve been on two drink dates and out to dinner at least once. You’ve finally saved their number in your contacts under their real name (as opposed to “John/Jane Bumble”), and you’re feeling good about moving out of the “hanging out” stage toward something more serious.

And then, out of nowhere, your potential future mate drops a bomb —they’ve got debt, and lots of it. They’re carrying $100K+ in student loans. Do you walk away or stay? And if you do stay, who pays for dinner?

We’ve got debt on the brain year-round here at SoFi, but with Valentine’s Day just days away, we’ve got love on the brain too, so we surveyed 2,000 Millennials to learn more about how they think about debt in the context of their love life.

“My partner doesn’t really need to know I splurged on these shoes, so I’ll intercept the credit card bill from the mail before he sees it.”

“My bonus was a bit more than I anticipated, so it won’t hurt if I don’t tell my wife and have some fun with the extra money.”

A one-time money secret may seem like a minor relationship infraction, especially if the amount in question is a small one. But as I know from conversations with my clients, one fib can lead to another, snowballing into long-term deceits, such as secret credit cards or hidden bank accounts. Little flakes of dishonesty can severely ice over a relationship, especially when debt accumulates or credit scores fall.

In her book The Art of Money, author and therapist Bari Tessler writes, “We conflate it with our identity, our sense of worth, our definitions of success and maturity.” The “it” she writes of is money— specifically the concept of “money shame”—but she could easily be writing about sex.

In fact, money may actually be a greater taboo than sex today.

When you work hard, you want to play hard. We get it. You deserve to enjoy the finer things in life, and you can have them—you just have to be smart and strategic with your spending. Sticking to a budget while saving toward financial goals doesn’t mean you can’t splurge a little. In this latest article in our series on spending hacks, we continue to help you figure it all out.

With the holidays fast approaching and the season of giving upon us, wouldn’t it be amazing if the special moments you plan for yourself and your partner weren’t just memorable, but also spectacular?

Creating experiences of this caliber can seem daunting when you’re stressed at work, digging your way out of student loan debt, or have your sights set on earning the coveted title of “first-time homeowner” in the next few years.